Chris H
master of boobies
This is an old post from an email that someone saved, I was laughing my ass off
> From [removed]@micapeak.com Mon Oct 8 07:58:46 2001
> (Dave's an American, stationed in a NATO base in the Netherlands, and
> this was taken from a BMW GS list)
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
> Interesting morning for me. I was cruising in to work using the back
> gate entrance when I went 1 vs. 2 with sheep (plural). The back road to
> GK (Geilenkirchen) Airbase is a tasty little road that is actually on
> in the NL/German border. GK is unique in the fact that it actually
> touches two countries, and the rear exit is actually in the
> Netherlands. Anyway I'm cruising along and spot something(s) in a
> ditch. I was running the ID matrix when the somethings scattered two
> on to the road. They were sheep. Luckily there were the local "punk"
> sheep which are pretty small, If they would have been Aussie or
> Navajo spec units I would be probably writing this with a straw.
>
> Anyway-> The I struck the first one with the right "jug" right on it
> its wooly little noggin. the second one I hit/ ran over it's rear
> end. It happened in a flash. I would like think it was my quick
> thinking and lightning reflexes that kept me up, but it was probably
> blind panic and unholy luck.
>
> I came to a stop and basically did the "Holy Fu-- what the hell just
> happened?" check list.
>
> There was a school bus behind me , so he stopped and being a good
> German, he called the cops. I checked my bike and incredibly there is
> no visible damage just fur bone, blood and sheep feces (now cooking
> on the pipes)
>
> >. Mishap: animal number 1 is laying in the road doing it best James
> Brown on crack impression frothing blood and basically dying a slow
> painful death. I can't really describe the sounds, but I now know
> what a camel stuck in an accordion must sound like. The driver tells
> me that he has called the cops and that they should be here
> momentarily. Moments are measured in 15 min increments in Europe.
>
> During this time the kids from the bus have piled out and are
> watching in horror as sheep num 1 plays out it's last moments. Little
> girls are crying, boys are poking it with a stick , and I now realize
> to these kids I am for all intents and purposes I am the sheep
> slaying Anti-Christ and poor Brunhilda III is my pale horse. 30 min
> later the German 5-0 shows up. They talk to the bus driver and tell
> him he can go.
>
> About this time the Dutch cops show up. Which I figured was cool
> because they will speak English. Not that simple. They were there for
> a reason. The German heat called them because apparently I hit the
> sheep in the Netherlands but the body ended up in Germany...... Oh
> joy, now it is a Trans border incident. A few minutes later a
> detachment from the base International Military Police show up,
> dispatched because it was a Auto (moto?) Accident involving NATO
> personnel, so now we have Two German Cops, Two Dutch cops, A
> Norwegian Staff Sergeant and a Greek Captain plus a German
> civilian "translator" who really served no point because everyone
> there spoke English....most better than him.
>
> It is now that the second sheep decides to make it's presence known.
> It has an obviously crushed pelvis and is dragging it's rear around
> and generally making a mess... The Greek Captain obviously know sheep
> and pronounces her done for. (How the hell can you tell the sex of a
> sheep from 25 meters out?)
>
> Anyway-> He said you "someone needs to put it out of it's misery". So
> we all looked at the Dutch police since it was on their side of the
> road. The Senior Dutch cops said with what? I said " Um a gun?" They
> said "We are a traffic unit we don't carry fire arms" they said it in
> such a way that implied that was an obvious fact. I responded "what
> kind of cop doesn't carry a gun?" SSGt Jensen (Norwegian) leaned over
> and said "Dutch ones apparently". I then realized the Germans weren't
> wearing any iron either. They saw me looking and said "oh we have
> Fire arms....they are in the car, but we can't take them in to the
> Netherlands..." Great do you have to call Andy and ask if you can
> load them? Now I am thinking, "Dude it's across the road, and it
> wouldn't be the first time armed Germans crossed uninvited....."
>
> Jensen at this point asks if we carry the sheep over here can you
> (the Germans) shoot it. The Germans ask him why he doesn't shoot it.
> He replies he is only allowed to use his weapon on base or in
> self defense...
>
> Lesson learned: Wounded sheep don't want to be picked up. At first we
> try to gently heard it towards the father land, and it is doing a
> good job of dodging us. It simply won't cross the road. Seven grown
> men can't mange to get one crippled sheep contained. I'm starting to
> get pissed. I'm an hour late, my bike is covered in crap (literally).
> So pick up a stick and take a swing out of frustration and actually
> mange to connect with poor little bastard, Jensen grabs a stick and
> we soon are clubbing the hell out of this thing. It just will
> not die. I am hammering away at it's skull with a good sized log/club
> and Jensen's big Viking ass is pounding home like Big Mac and this
> things is just stumbling and bleating and bleeding. I'm cussing and
> screaming "Die you SOB just F----ing die" Finally it gives up the
> ghost and Jensen and I are high fiveing and generally making asses
> out of our selves. We look up to see the Dutch cops looking at us
> with absolute horror. The Germans are looking a bit confused and real
> not certain what to do. The Greek Captain was looking on with a bit
> of amusement and said "so much for the picnic". There were several
> cars stopped and I realized what I must look like to them holding a
> bloody stick wearing my Dainese body armor and splattered with
> streaks of blood... Oh I am definitely not going to get the key to
> the city this year.
>
> So with "THAT" out of the way I end up doing the paperwork with Dutch
> cops. They ask for my insurance and registration the usual. They
> wanted to know that if the owner came forward did I want him to
> contact me directly or base legal. I said Eh don't worry about it,
> there doesn't seem to be any damage to my bike.
>
> They seemed confused, then Jensen explained....no they want you to
> pay for the sheep. I said "You gotta be Fu---ing kidding me?" " R U
> people out your GD minds? What the hell R U babbling about? You want
> ME who was using a public road , to pay for two unauthorized, escape,
> border jumping sheep? What the hell are you smoking?" They seemed a
> little taken a back, and said "but you hit them" I replied "of course
> I hit them, they were in the damn road, it's not like I was cruising
> through a barn.' They replied, "sorry my friend that is the law". Sh--
> - I don't even like mutton after all that time in Saudi. Oh well I
> guess I will have a Bar-B-Q or something. Guess what. You don't get
> to keep the sheep. Ain't that a bitch? I may have to pay some
> numbnutz a fist full of Marks (maybe guilders) and I don't even get
> to keep the sheep. Color me pissed. Maybe I should charge them vet
> fees for my act of Euthanasia.
>
> Hasta Dave
>
> <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
> From [removed]@micapeak.com Mon Oct 8 07:58:46 2001
> (Dave's an American, stationed in a NATO base in the Netherlands, and
> this was taken from a BMW GS list)
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
> Interesting morning for me. I was cruising in to work using the back
> gate entrance when I went 1 vs. 2 with sheep (plural). The back road to
> GK (Geilenkirchen) Airbase is a tasty little road that is actually on
> in the NL/German border. GK is unique in the fact that it actually
> touches two countries, and the rear exit is actually in the
> Netherlands. Anyway I'm cruising along and spot something(s) in a
> ditch. I was running the ID matrix when the somethings scattered two
> on to the road. They were sheep. Luckily there were the local "punk"
> sheep which are pretty small, If they would have been Aussie or
> Navajo spec units I would be probably writing this with a straw.
>
> Anyway-> The I struck the first one with the right "jug" right on it
> its wooly little noggin. the second one I hit/ ran over it's rear
> end. It happened in a flash. I would like think it was my quick
> thinking and lightning reflexes that kept me up, but it was probably
> blind panic and unholy luck.
>
> I came to a stop and basically did the "Holy Fu-- what the hell just
> happened?" check list.
>
> There was a school bus behind me , so he stopped and being a good
> German, he called the cops. I checked my bike and incredibly there is
> no visible damage just fur bone, blood and sheep feces (now cooking
> on the pipes)
>
> >. Mishap: animal number 1 is laying in the road doing it best James
> Brown on crack impression frothing blood and basically dying a slow
> painful death. I can't really describe the sounds, but I now know
> what a camel stuck in an accordion must sound like. The driver tells
> me that he has called the cops and that they should be here
> momentarily. Moments are measured in 15 min increments in Europe.
>
> During this time the kids from the bus have piled out and are
> watching in horror as sheep num 1 plays out it's last moments. Little
> girls are crying, boys are poking it with a stick , and I now realize
> to these kids I am for all intents and purposes I am the sheep
> slaying Anti-Christ and poor Brunhilda III is my pale horse. 30 min
> later the German 5-0 shows up. They talk to the bus driver and tell
> him he can go.
>
> About this time the Dutch cops show up. Which I figured was cool
> because they will speak English. Not that simple. They were there for
> a reason. The German heat called them because apparently I hit the
> sheep in the Netherlands but the body ended up in Germany...... Oh
> joy, now it is a Trans border incident. A few minutes later a
> detachment from the base International Military Police show up,
> dispatched because it was a Auto (moto?) Accident involving NATO
> personnel, so now we have Two German Cops, Two Dutch cops, A
> Norwegian Staff Sergeant and a Greek Captain plus a German
> civilian "translator" who really served no point because everyone
> there spoke English....most better than him.
>
> It is now that the second sheep decides to make it's presence known.
> It has an obviously crushed pelvis and is dragging it's rear around
> and generally making a mess... The Greek Captain obviously know sheep
> and pronounces her done for. (How the hell can you tell the sex of a
> sheep from 25 meters out?)
>
> Anyway-> He said you "someone needs to put it out of it's misery". So
> we all looked at the Dutch police since it was on their side of the
> road. The Senior Dutch cops said with what? I said " Um a gun?" They
> said "We are a traffic unit we don't carry fire arms" they said it in
> such a way that implied that was an obvious fact. I responded "what
> kind of cop doesn't carry a gun?" SSGt Jensen (Norwegian) leaned over
> and said "Dutch ones apparently". I then realized the Germans weren't
> wearing any iron either. They saw me looking and said "oh we have
> Fire arms....they are in the car, but we can't take them in to the
> Netherlands..." Great do you have to call Andy and ask if you can
> load them? Now I am thinking, "Dude it's across the road, and it
> wouldn't be the first time armed Germans crossed uninvited....."
>
> Jensen at this point asks if we carry the sheep over here can you
> (the Germans) shoot it. The Germans ask him why he doesn't shoot it.
> He replies he is only allowed to use his weapon on base or in
> self defense...
>
> Lesson learned: Wounded sheep don't want to be picked up. At first we
> try to gently heard it towards the father land, and it is doing a
> good job of dodging us. It simply won't cross the road. Seven grown
> men can't mange to get one crippled sheep contained. I'm starting to
> get pissed. I'm an hour late, my bike is covered in crap (literally).
> So pick up a stick and take a swing out of frustration and actually
> mange to connect with poor little bastard, Jensen grabs a stick and
> we soon are clubbing the hell out of this thing. It just will
> not die. I am hammering away at it's skull with a good sized log/club
> and Jensen's big Viking ass is pounding home like Big Mac and this
> things is just stumbling and bleating and bleeding. I'm cussing and
> screaming "Die you SOB just F----ing die" Finally it gives up the
> ghost and Jensen and I are high fiveing and generally making asses
> out of our selves. We look up to see the Dutch cops looking at us
> with absolute horror. The Germans are looking a bit confused and real
> not certain what to do. The Greek Captain was looking on with a bit
> of amusement and said "so much for the picnic". There were several
> cars stopped and I realized what I must look like to them holding a
> bloody stick wearing my Dainese body armor and splattered with
> streaks of blood... Oh I am definitely not going to get the key to
> the city this year.
>
> So with "THAT" out of the way I end up doing the paperwork with Dutch
> cops. They ask for my insurance and registration the usual. They
> wanted to know that if the owner came forward did I want him to
> contact me directly or base legal. I said Eh don't worry about it,
> there doesn't seem to be any damage to my bike.
>
> They seemed confused, then Jensen explained....no they want you to
> pay for the sheep. I said "You gotta be Fu---ing kidding me?" " R U
> people out your GD minds? What the hell R U babbling about? You want
> ME who was using a public road , to pay for two unauthorized, escape,
> border jumping sheep? What the hell are you smoking?" They seemed a
> little taken a back, and said "but you hit them" I replied "of course
> I hit them, they were in the damn road, it's not like I was cruising
> through a barn.' They replied, "sorry my friend that is the law". Sh--
> - I don't even like mutton after all that time in Saudi. Oh well I
> guess I will have a Bar-B-Q or something. Guess what. You don't get
> to keep the sheep. Ain't that a bitch? I may have to pay some
> numbnutz a fist full of Marks (maybe guilders) and I don't even get
> to keep the sheep. Color me pissed. Maybe I should charge them vet
> fees for my act of Euthanasia.
>
> Hasta Dave
>
> <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
